So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
