Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
