I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
