I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
