When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
