remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
