do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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