im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
