i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
