her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How does one acquire holy water?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
