so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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