I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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