My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
