we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
