you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
