This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
