What did we do last night that was yellow?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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