R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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