We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
