Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
