highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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