so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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