Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
