omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
two words...techno handjob
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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