you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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