I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
