Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
