I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
