What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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