Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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