I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
