The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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