I faked an abortion last night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
