i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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