What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
