I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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