i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
