wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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