I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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