You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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