We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she peed on how many people?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
