I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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