You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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