So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
