Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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