clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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