You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
