Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
