my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
