Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I need a beard to bite.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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