The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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