so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
